Jay and I went to a party yesterday to celebrate Cinco de Mayo.
Jay, being the socialite and cool guy that he is, was all over the place, talking to any given person at any given time. I, on the other hand, stayed as far behind the scenes as possible.
I called it being observant…he called it antisocial.
“Get up and mingle,” he kept telling me. He must have thought I was depressed, bless his soul. I don’t think he understood (or ever will understand), however, that there was nothing more depressing than the thought of having to do this “mingling” business. Mingling, to me at least, usually means I have to put on a happy face and pretend that I want to be a part of the world everyone else is living in. It’s okay when I don’t mind being a part of it. But that day, I didn’t want to be in anyone else’s world but my own.
And problems arise when I’m forced to be a part of a world I don’t want to be a part of.
First comes the agitation, which turns the “quiet girl in the corner” into the “quiet bitch in the corner”. By that time, my face is stern and my arms are crossed, which basically is a sign for everyone to keep away. Normally, if left to my own devices, I can escape to my world for a few minutes until I feel comfortable enough to live life with my fellow earthlings, and I return to my normal party self.
But no one ever leaves the quiet bitch alone in the corner. They all have bleeding hearts for unsocial beings. They drop little hints, like “You’re so quiet today” and “Why so serious?” I didn’t want to deal with those questions anymore, so I jumped into the party.
Big mistake. My psyche said “Whoa, you weren’t ready for this” and pulled me out of there lickety split…in the form of claustrophobic impulses so powerful that I literally ran for and cowered in my “corner”. Twice.
Now, I don’t only look like the quiet bitch, but I also look like some psycho sissy babbling on about “personal space” and a “claustrophobic fog”. Later, I have to apologize and explain that I can’t take too many people standing close to me (especially when I’m not really feeling the human contact), that it tends to make me a little neurotic from time to time, and that there’s nothing to worry about, I’m okay.
It takes much longer to ease out of being the Agitated Quiet Corner Psycho Sissy Bitch. And unfortunately, it could take the rest of the party, meaning that time I could have spent socializing (because by that point I’d probably have gotten over being in my own world) I now have to spend doing damage control. It’s soooo not worth it.
This is for all you extroverts who see people like me at parties, the ones sitting in the corners with a cup, not talking much. We laugh at jokes, make a comment here and there, but don’t go much further than that. Before you turn into Captain Save a Ho and try to pull us from our “misery”, stop for a minute to consider that maybe we want to sit by ourselves because it’s what’s comfortable for us, not because we’re left out. Understand that there is a lot of valuable information to be gleaned from sitting on the sidelines once in a while and simply observing. Remember that “misery” for us means being forced to hold conversations with people we wouldn’t normally talk to more than casually. Know, however, that “introvert” does not equal “unsocial” and that we are FULLY capable of being a part of your world…but only when we’re ready.
And trust that when we ARE ready, we’ll be more than happy to peek into your world to see what’s good.
I agree. I prefer observing, being the spectator. It’s so painful for me to react to something that I feel indifferent about but I understand the purpose of small talk. It helps to be holding something like a drink or finger food.